If you’re anything like me, you consider #crazydogmom to be the highest form of flattery.
Do we go out of our way to make our dogs happy? Heck yes! Do we spend way too much money on things like dog puzzles and organic treats? Probably. Do we love our dogs more than most humans? You’re darn right. There’s no shame in treating a dog like your literal child, and a true dog mom wears dog hair and slobber stains like a badge of honor. There will always be people who don’t understand why our dogs need heated orthopedic dog beds or homemade food, but as the kids used to say, haters gonna hate. I’m happy to provide for my pups, and if you can relate to these 10 signs, you’re one of us.
1. You searched everywhere for family Christmas PJs that also come in dog sizes.
Pro Tip: Target now has an entire section dedicated to this. You can pick out PJs for you and the other humans and find your dog a matching pair. Finally, a store that knows exactly what we want.
2. You own a webcam that you use solely to keep an eye on your pups while you’re at work.
That webcam might even have a built-in laser toy or treat dispenser. Leaving your dog home alone all day sucks, but at least you can check in whenever you want.
3. You regularly rearrange your schedule to better accommodate your dog.
My non-dog-mom friends like to roll their eyes at me when I say I can’t go out to lunch because I have to go home to walk my dogs. But I don’t care. Pup parenting is about making sacrifices, after all.
4. Your dogs eat better than you do.
I am more than willing to spend more money so that my dogs eat a diet that is packed full of appropriate nutrients and free from things like preservatives and other chemicals. I researched for hours to find a brand I like, and I’m considering subscribing to one of those fresh dog food delivery services. Meanwhile, I survive on whatever was on sale at the grocery store.
5. You are personally offended when someone doesn’t say that your dog is cute.
There’s a rule in my house: if you don’t like my dogs, you’re not invited back. No exceptions.
6. You chose your new phone based on the quality of the camera, because you need to take a million good pictures of your dogs.
You can’t be a crazy dog mom if your phone’s camera roll isn’t a complete checkerboard of your dog’s face. Who cares if you already have 16 photos of your pup sleeping like a bagel, there’s always room for more!
7. Your dog’s face is basically the only thing you post to social media.
If you’re a true dog mom, your dog has their own Instagram account. And they already have more engaged followers than you do.
8. You make important life decisions based on your dog.
You can’t buy a house, a new car, or move to a new apartment without first thinking about how it will affect your dog. Does the house have a yard? Does the car have a roomy backseat? Is there a dog park near the apartment? All very important questions.
9. You own t-shirts, coffee mugs, socks, dish towels, and other random items that have some dog-related saying on them.
My favorite tank top says, “I like big mutts and I cannot lie.” When my birthday comes around, it’s basically guaranteed that someone will gift me another “dog mom” shirt. And I’m 100% okay with that.
10. When you send people cards from the whole family, you automatically sign your dog’s name.
It’s not like they have thumbs to sign their names themselves.
11. When you get professional family pictures, you look for a photographer that has experience with dogs.
You wouldn’t dream of having a family photo shoot without your dogs. They’re the cutest members of the family and way more photogenic than you.
12. You refuse to tolerate animal abuse, neglect, or abandonment.
Honestly, people who abandon their dogs or keep them locked outside on a chain or tether are the scum of the Earth. You will always advocate for animal welfare, and you can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t feel the same.
Let’s hear it. How many of these describe your life?